Stiff competition for cast
April 30, 2005
Noor-Jehan Yoro Badat
First we cloned Dolly, now Willy. A cast kit with the name Clone-a-Willy is available on the Internet for a competition that promises to rock women's worlds and give the winner a head start.
According to the British tabloid Sun newspaper, "the hunt is on for the fella with the perfect manhood - to model for a new sex aid".
"Blokes who reckon they measure up will have to take a cast of their pride and joy at home, then send it to bosses at the sex shop chain Hustler Hollywood to be judged."
The winning entry, writes the paper, will be "the model for a series of battery-powered rubber replicas that may find their way into thousands of women's bedrooms".
Kits are available at www.hustlerhollywood.co.uk
The site says anyone interested in entering should "follow the instructions and, hey presto - a perfect replica of your proud member". It sells in Britain for £19,99 (R232).
Inquiries about its availability in South Africa proved fruitless.
Could it possibly be that Britain is afraid of competition from our better-endowed South African men?
When well-known comedian Marc Lottering was asked what he thought of the competition, his initial response was silence.
Then he good naturedly said: "Please would you phone me back in 40 minutes because I was just having a curry for lunch, and as you were explaining it to me I was reaching out for my cucumber, so this doesn't make a good combination."
Later Lottering SMS'd a more succinct comment: "The only time I'd ever put my penis in plaster of Paris, with a sling from my neck, would be if it was broken, like one's arm. Ooh, interesting visual."
Satirist Peter Dirk-Uys, whose famous alter ego is Evita Bezuidenhout, laughed and said, "How fascinating, but "No, darling", he would not enter.
"People have too much time on their hands," Dirk-Uys remarked.
"Maybe we should make chocolates out of it and give it to the audience ... "It's a great idea, better than making war."
From phallic pride to yet another sexy report: The Sun also reports prominently that a raunchy spin-off of the British TV soap Footballers' Wives "includes a sex scene where a woman uses a vacuum cleaner on her fella". The original Wives has been seen here on SABC3.
It says: "The scene is in the first episode of Extra Time, which promises to be even more outrageous than Footie Wives."
It shows Anika, the sister of Wives superbitch Tanya Turner, "in high heels, stockings and suspenders, while her boyfriend is tied to the bed with silk scarves.
"She turns the vacuum on with her stiletto and attaches the nozzle to Oliver's private parts." And the painful part?
"He gets his tackle stuck in the pipe and has to go to hospital."
Ouch!
Hanka Sonnekus, SABC3's manager of foreign acquisitions, said the channel would look into this programme. But the channel hadn't spoken to anyone about it yet.
Sonnekus said the programme Bombshell, created by the same producers of Footballer's Wives, was, however, under consideration.
"Bombshell looks at relationships in the British Army, with the same dynamics among generals' wives and women in the army," said Sonnekus.
